Text for the visually impaired:
Caption: NEW! Cats genetically bred to hate the environment!
Picture: Cat driving a Hummer H2 saying “Let’s go find something to runover!”
Lower catpion: Coming soon, cats who fart audibly, but the farts don’t smell! (great for parties!)
The lovely I. Hustla gave this to me for father’s day… because I am a father to two kitties, and a bitchin’ veggie garden on the balcony!
We are still alive!!! Pardon the lack of comics…. even nerdy comic writers need vacations! The I. Hustla and I just got back from an awesome 3-stop vacation. We started our adventure in Tennessee at a mountain resort just outside of Pigeon Forge… wow, what a weird town that is. It’s like a Christian Vegas. Pigeon Forge is home to Dollywood, the Miracle Theater (a Christian themed dinner & show, complete with flying angels and singing / dancing Jesus), other various “southern dinner shows”, insane go-kart tracks, zany putt-putt golf courses, waterslide parks, and about a bajillion video LED signs enticing you to partake in their entertainment. At the mountain resort we attended the wedding of two very chill friends of mine, and we stayed in a cozy [yet oddly designed] cabin. The wedding awesome!!! Hot Buttered Rum (wicked bluegrass band) played the reception and David Gans jammed with them, hippies galore danced the night away, and the Great Smoky Mountains were jaw-dropping.
After the wedding we drove through the town of Gatlinburg on the way to our next destination. Geeeeeeeez, and we thought Pigeon Forge was whacky!!! Gatlinburg is like Myrtle Beach took a mountainous deuce… more putt-putt, arcades, Ripley’s EVERYTHING, etc., it feels like you’re driving through a bad dream that Walt Disney had in the 70’s. Lucky for us, we were just driving through.
Next on our list… the ENTIRE BLUE RIDGE PARKWAY!
We hopped on the parkway at the most southern point in Cherokee, NC, then drove north / camped the ENTIRE THING in three days (including Skyline Drive, which is at the very northern tip of the parkway). If there truly is a God, he / she / it / they deserve a beer for the hard work put into sculpting this part of the world. It’s stunning. The parkway is dotted with waterfalls, rolling mountain peaks, intense wildlife, and entire hillsides of wild flowers.
I got teary eyed a few times just overlooking the skyline of North Carolina, which looks like a painting in the right light.
We did a few short hikes (nothing too major, since we only had three days to complete the drive), and each of them was worth the walk. On the last day when we were finally on Skyline Drive, and we saw 2 bear cubs and their mama! This is about the best shot we could get of a cub climbing a tree:
Checkout the audio on this video we took…. you can’t see a darn thing, but you can hear the cubs making the cutest noises ever!
In the background you can hear some guy say “the mother’s on the other side”……. ok… this is a story worth telling, you won’t freaking believe this guy. As we approached two stopped cars, we noticed the cubs playing in the trees. This idiot GETS OUT OF HIS CAR to get closer to the bears. Then he spots the mother on the other side of the rode… HE’S IN BETWEEN THE MOTHER AND HER CUBS!!!!!!!! He didn’t think anything of it… he just kept on snapping pictures with his fancy digital SLR camera, and seconds later the mama bear came tearing across the road right in front of our car and the idiot didn’t even flinch. Ok, if a freaking thousand pound animal ran 5 feet in front of me so she could protect her young, I’d be back in my car in half a blink…. of course, I wouldn’t have been out of the car in the first place. Well I guess this is just another shining example of good ol’ Darwinism. Here’s a short clip of the mother, or at least what we could get…
What a trip! Waterfalls, wild flowers, camping, s’mores, bluegrass complete with dancing hippies, stars, wild turkeys, bears, and a potential future Darwin Awards winner! It was awesome. Last but not least, we topped off our vacation with 2 days in the Outer Banks. We stayed at the house of my sister’s coworker in Nag’s Head, just north of Oregon Inlet. What a nice area. It’s away from all the hustle and bustle of Kitty Hawk, and you can drive on the beach at Oregon Inlet… not that I tried to drive my Prius on the beach 
More comics coming Monday! You freaking comic junkie!
Right now I’m in Birmingham, Alabama, on a business trip. I’m in the airport awaiting a delayed flight… yay free wifi. I thought now might be a great time to share my Birmingham experience with you, the loyal Sharpie comic reader. Last night I took the “trolly” (a fastran bus) to Five Points South, the historic district in Birmingham. Five Points South is a strange mashup of fancy and foul. It’s essentially a strip of expensive restaurants, seedy bars, a bajillion motorbikes, yuppies chuckling and sipping wine, sketchy characters looming, and cops everywhere. After a delicious falafel sandwich, I casually meandered down the street towards the bus…err…trolly stop, admiring nicknack shops and searching for ice cream. A shirtless drunk mumbled something about playing pool, I shook my head no, and he followed me down the street repeating the same thing. I told him “I’m hard of hearing… I can’t understand you” (which is partly true, I really am hard of hearing…. thanks, punk rock shows), then he said, in insanely slow broken english, “I need a banker” (it sounded like he was saying “me a baker”). “Ahhhhh,” I said, finally understanding. He wanted me to invest in his pool playing skills in the seedy pool alley down the street. Again I shook me head no, and he stumbled away. After I found some ice cream, I stepped outside only to be greeted by a dizzy, fat, old, messy haired woman with the palest skin and greyest lips I’ve ever seen… she asked for “change for the bus”. I declined. While I was waiting at the bus stop, a young woman wearing almost nothing who smelled like she mixed cheap perfume with a heavily used ashtray and dripped it on her hair asked me for change, then asked if she “could do anything for some cash”….. this is about the time I decided I should probably just skip the 15 minute wait for the bus and hail a cab back to the hotel.
So now I’m sitting in the airport, probably the cleanest part of Birmingham, and my flight will likely not leave for several hours. I decided to take a walk around, and I found this large sculpture (probably about 10 feet long). I think it really embodies the city’s “southern charm.” What is it supposed to be exactly… a turd with a propeller?!?! Birmingham, Alabama, you are officially skanky.
