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caption: the ribbon trend goes a bit too far…
picture: a magnetic ribbon that says “free the magnetic ribbon”
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picture: an old crappy car
caption: Old Cars! Now available in Dingy Brown!
I have a love/hate relationship with a science-fiction television show, establishing me as a supernerd before I even begin to discuss what the problem is. Masta G and I watched the Battlestar Galactica miniseries and I LOVED it. I thought it was exciting and interesting and I was genuinely surprised by the twists at the end. I was really excited about the television show and began watching it with high hopes.
The television show is still interesing, however, it’s full of gaping plot holes and continuity errors. Some of these errors aren’t even that nerdy…it’s just common sense. For example:
One of the main characters, Starbuck (a woman), is marooned on a planet after she is shot down by an enemy fighter. Starbuck manages to hit the fighter, so they both plummet toward the ground.
She finds the fighter right as she is about to run out of oxygen. She finds that the enemy fighter is a biological creature, finds its oxygen supply, stuffs an article of clothing in the hole where she blasted the fighter down, and then removes her helmet and begins breathing the air. Whatever. It’s a little goofy. It gets REALLY lame when she triumphantly flies into space with NO helmet and having not really mended the spaceship (so the article of clothing jammed into the hole is keeping the spacecraft safe from imploding while in space!!!). Come on, writers. A t-shirt jammed into a hole is NOT a proper substitute for a pressurized spaceship.
The reason I have a love/hate relationship with Battlestar and watch it despite the goofiness is because Battlestar is not masquerading as highbrow entertainment. It wears its plot holes as a badge of honor. It’s almost daring you to say something because you know you love it despite its flaws. Unlike “Lost.”
Be sure to checkout Masta G’s “joke” Lost theory which essentially involves the CIA running a secret island to create super drugs such as crack-coccaine, and the new super drug dubbed CRACKIJUANA which is so addictive that you take one puff and you a junkie for life. Tons of photoshopped madness… you’ll enjoy it, I promise!
Today is Masta G’s birthday, AND THE RETURN OF LOST TO THE AIR WAVES!!! In honor of its return, we’d like to express to everyone how much Lost sucks. Masta G and I used to be horribly addicted to Lost, despite its rather obvious flaws. That addiction has slowly faded into deep hatred. Lost’s producers are clearly milking the franchise for every dollar in ad revenue they can get, while leaving the fans stranded…. errrrrrr…. “Lost”
I can’t stand Lost because I’m pretty sure the writers think jump cuts and close-ups of dialating pupils will cover the fact that the show is poorly paced and badly written. The online game is a joke. And WTF was with the super-lame revelation of the purpose of entering the numbers into the computer? Locke entered those numbers for almost the entire season. He eventually grew disenchanted and toys with the notion of letting the timer run down… and now the hatch has imploded so what the hell was the point in the first place?!
We got commercials for the Season 2 finale blaring “The reason for the crash revealed!” and footage of some crazy stuff going down with the computer. Too bad the explanation…and the big revelation that they’ve hinted at for most of the second season…is given as part of a drunken speech by some dude. They decide to tie up this huge loose end with a drunken soliliquy? That’s just stupid. And then when Locke does let the timer run down it turns out it’s a big mistake and they have him say “Oh, I made a mistake?” Blaarg. We don’t even get to see the plane crash…they just show a dot matrix printer going haywire.
All of the visual tricks Lost employs are no substitute for a well-written show. They know we’ll lap it up because it’s “pretty,” even though it has no substance. It’s like putting Paris Hilton in a pair of reading glasses and insisting she’s a scholar.
Let’s take a peek into the writer’s latest meeting…
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(there is a picture of a dude pulling a script out of another dude’s ass, quoted saying) “ok, so it looks like next season everyone’s talking in pig latin”
The caption says “a peek at the development team hard at work on an episode of Lost”
Yay! It’s my bday! w00t! Now let’s talk cake…. Elvis Presley’s favorite sandwich, the “Fool’s Gold sandwich”, has enough fat to power a small city. It consists of a hollowed out loaf of bread, buttered, filled with peanut butter, jelly, a ripe banana, and a pound of fried bacon. This is even more revolting than the Luther Burger (Luther Vandros’ fav sandwich, a bacon-cheeseburger on a Krispy Creme glazed donut). I want the Fool’s Gold sandwich for a birthday cake!!!!
keep an eye out for a special mid-week comic this Wednesday!
Masta G and I have debated heavily on this controversial topic; which way does the toilet paper go?
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caption: Moments in history, the toilet paper riots of 2012
picture: two groups of opposing people stand in front of a city in ruins, one group is saying “the roll faces IN”, the other group is saying “the roll faces OUT”
