BLOG: Birmingham, Alabama, is officially skanky

Right now I’m in Birmingham, Alabama, on a business trip. I’m in the airport awaiting a delayed flight… yay free wifi. I thought now might be a great time to share my Birmingham experience with you, the loyal Sharpie comic reader. Last night I took the “trolly” (a fastran bus) to Five Points South, the historic district in Birmingham. Five Points South is a strange mashup of fancy and foul. It’s essentially a strip of expensive restaurants, seedy bars, a bajillion motorbikes, yuppies chuckling and sipping wine, sketchy characters looming, and cops everywhere. After a delicious falafel sandwich, I casually meandered down the street towards the bus…err…trolly stop, admiring nicknack shops and searching for ice cream. A shirtless drunk mumbled something about playing pool, I shook my head no, and he followed me down the street repeating the same thing. I told him “I’m hard of hearing… I can’t understand you” (which is partly true, I really am hard of hearing…. thanks, punk rock shows), then he said, in insanely slow broken english, “I need a banker” (it sounded like he was saying “me a baker”). “Ahhhhh,” I said, finally understanding. He wanted me to invest in his pool playing skills in the seedy pool alley down the street. Again I shook me head no, and he stumbled away. After I found some ice cream, I stepped outside only to be greeted by a dizzy, fat, old, messy haired woman with the palest skin and greyest lips I’ve ever seen… she asked for “change for the bus”. I declined. While I was waiting at the bus stop, a young woman wearing almost nothing who smelled like she mixed cheap perfume with a heavily used ashtray and dripped it on her hair asked me for change, then asked if she “could do anything for some cash”….. this is about the time I decided I should probably just skip the 15 minute wait for the bus and hail a cab back to the hotel.

So now I’m sitting in the airport, probably the cleanest part of Birmingham, and my flight will likely not leave for several hours. I decided to take a walk around, and I found this large sculpture (probably about 10 feet long). I think it really embodies the city’s “southern charm.” What is it supposed to be exactly… a turd with a propeller?!?! Birmingham, Alabama, you are officially skanky.