Open Letter to Dust Mites

O hai dust mites! I’m allergic to your poop (which is my digested dead skin). At the advice of my allergist, I clean my sheets and pillow cases every week in +120 degree water in hopes that I might murder you and your children, but you keep coming back and eating my dead skin and pooping and making me sneeze! Well I have a solution that will work out for both of us. Can you just start using the toilet? Or how about I install a microscopic toilet? It’ll be one of those awesome Japanese toilets that lights up and tells you how much fiber you need in your next meal. This will work out great… you can continue to eat my dead skin, but I won’t sneeze from inhaling your poop, and I won’t have to keep murdering you and your children every week! Deal?

Love,
MastaG

Open Letters are posted every Thursday morning (this is the first of many to come). For more, click Open Letters under Categories on the right.